Graduating, Moving On, and Changing

I graduate in less than 4 weeks. And I've been so excited about it for so long. But today it really hit me. I'm graduating. I'll be done. And so will so many of my friends. 

The friendships that I have developed here is nothing like the one I have with my sister. But I really opened up to some people here. Like I've only done with friends back home that I have known for quite some time.

And I realize that they'll all be leaving right after graduation (my friends that are graduating with me). I'll be staying until June, but most of those friends will be leaving just a few days after graduation. And my heart is breaking. I know we can still be friends. 

I guess I'm really worried about what life will be like when I go back to Alaska. I know I've changed, for the better, of course. But I'm worried about being a misfit and not knowing where I fit in, which has pretty much been the story of my life. I'm worried about not knowing people. I know so many of the people at the BC so well, but I know it'll be different when I go home.

I really just needed to put that in words. I've been meaning to write a blog about it for about a month now. But every time I start, I just about bawl like a baby. But I make myself stop thinking about it, because I'm to 'tough' to be emotional, I guess. 

But I know others understand. And I know someone will say something really simple; like, this is what Heavenly Father wants for you, just make your way through. I just need to hear or see someone else write or say it. But I'm just to reserved and closed off to really let anyone in and know how I am feeling right now. But I'm trying to change that. I'm posting. And I wrote to my sister about it as well.

This time I let people in, which is rare for me. And now my heart is breaking. But it's refreshing, because it means I'm changing. I'm recognizing how much a relationship can mean, even if the relationship can only last for a season, while it is in person and not through email, facebook, etc.

I've changed, I've opened up, and I'm happy. Although this post may suggest otherwise.